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How to know your friends are using YOU

4 Mins read

How to know your friends are using YOU!

It can be painful to have been used by a friend; when those close to us take advantage we can feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. We may begin to lose trust of others around us, given that we feel blindsided.

 Sometimes friends are oblivious to their own actions but other times they are intentionally using you. There are ways to figure out whether you are being used, to help you to decide whether it is time to ditch your friend.

Freelancing Tips for beginners

  1. Notice if your friend only reaches out when in need of something.

If your friend is using you, the most glaring sign is that they don’t contact you unless they specifically need something. It may not be obvious at first what they need, since they may be self-aware enough to obscure their intentions.

For example, maybe your friend calls to hang out with you. They spend a few hours with you, and sometime during the encounter, they mention a problem that they have. Maybe their car broke down, maybe they need to cut down an overgrown tree in their front yard, or maybe they are short on laundry money.

An expert user won’t ask you for anything up front. They will build some rapport, then mention the problem. Before you know it, you might be offering to give them a ride to work, to fell their tree with your chainsaw, or to let them use your washer and dryer.

Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with doing favors for your friends—that’s part of friendship! The problem begins when your friend wants something from you almost every time they see you.

  • They manipulate you so you can’t say no.

Users are masters at manipulating others into a position where you feel you can’t deny them.

It’s a kind of weird power play, with them pulling the strings and you dancing to their tune.

If someone puts pressure on you to act by saying that denying their request would spell the end of the world for them, you’re being used.

It may be the threat of being un-friended or dumped which makes you feel powerless to resist, but such fear tactics should be seen for what they are: a form of emotional blackmail.

  • They’re focused only on themselves.

A user’s number one priority is him/herself.

They see themselves as the center of the known universe, around which everything else rotates.

It’s all about their jobs, their problems, their successes, their families.

And it’s all about what they want, what they need, and what you (and others) can do for them.

When they’re busy focusing all their attention on themselves, they’ll have no interest in what’s going on in your life.

They’ll expect you to devote plenty of time to listening to their self-obsessed monologue, though.

Your needs will never be given much consideration.

  • Your Friend Knows Surprisingly Little About You

Another sign that someone is using you is simply that they don’t really care to get to know you. After all, it’s not you they care about in the first place.

If your “friend” doesn’t seem to pay much attention to what you have to say, forgets important things about you, and overall just seems uninterested, then obviously they must be hanging out with you for another reason.

This goes beyond being simply forgetful.

  • When You Have a Crisis, They Disappear

Did something suddenly derail your life and you need some support? Sometimes it’s not even about money or resources—on occasion, we may just need someone to talk to when our world is crashing down.

When something tragic happens, does your friend show up for you? Or do you hear nothing but crickets chirping?

It’s one thing if you’re a Negative Ned and are always complaining about every little thing in your life—that would drive anyone away. But if you’re a reasonably positive person who is having an emergency, you should be able to expect a real friend to sympathize.

  • You can’t count on them.

 What’s the point of a friendship if you can’t count on them when it really matters? Maybe you just graduated from university or had someone in your family pass away. Your “friend” was nowhere to be found. But… that’s weird, isn’t this your friend? In the good and bad times, your friend should be there, no matter what.

  • You feel it. 

Deep, deep down inside of you, you feel something is really off. When you’re around them, you don’t feel good about yourself and when you go home, you feel used. Hello! Wake up! If you’re having these vibes, then, of course, you should listen to it. This is your intuition telling you to cut the toxic friendship.

  • They Don’t Include You in Their Social Media Posts

Sounds silly, but we all know how much it stings to get shaded on the internet. If you have a friend who constantly “forgets” to tag you in a group shot, or always chooses a photo that you’re not in to post, their not-so-subtle shade isn’t the sign of a good friend—it’s the sign of someone who likes having you around to do things for them, but they don’t actually consider you a legit member of their squad.

It can be painful to have been used by a friend; when those close to us take advantage we can feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. We may begin to lose trust of others around us, given that we feel blindsided.

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